When we buy insurance, we buy protection against the odds. In this modern world, you can purchase insurance for almost anything you own: from your house, car, laptop, or furniture to your honeymoon trip.
Yet, I’ve never been advised to buy insurance for my relationship.
Well…what I just said was not entirely true. Let me take it back by saying this: I’ve been approached by many salesmen who advised me to buy insurance to cover my marriage. It’s called life insurance. A protection, if granted, only happens after my significant other is dead.
So, how about my relationship in the present?
Doesn’t it deserve to be covered and protected?
What would happen to me and/or my partner if our marriage were damaged?
I had a fun conversation with a good friend of mine the other day. We were sipping coffee on the patio of a coffee shop. She was curious about what I do in premarital counseling and I lightheartedly told her that I made couples discuss difficult and sensitive topics now so they could plan to create a memorable future for their marriage. Then she asked me, “So, you sell them relationship insurance?”
That was when I had my “aha moment.”
I remember sitting there and thinking, yeah, that’s exactly what I do in premarital counseling. I help my couples create protection for their love.
When a couple expresses their concern to me about whether it’s worth it to spend money on premarital counseling, I tell them that by investing in this essential step to learn more about each other now, they are preparing for their married life ahead.
In other words, they are obtaining a coverage for the future “us.”
Love insurance is not a concept that only applies to pre-married couples. If you’re dating, partnering, living together, married, or re-married, it applies to you, too. Here’s why:
Unresolved conflicts can damage your marriage in the long run.
Lack of communication may result in dissatisfaction and disconnection.
Difference in parenting styles, especially in blended families, can generate significant stress.
Disagreement in money/financial management can bring uncertainty into your marriage.
Lack of intimacy may cause feelings of abandonment and isolation.
So, what is this love insurance and how can you purchase it?
First, you do not purchase insurance for your love. You create it.
Second, love insurance is the protection of your relationship through the creation of a lasting emotional connection and understanding between you and your partner.
The best part of this type of insurance is that it’s FREE and it’s UNLIMITED. No one can tell you how much of your marriage can be covered. No one can increase your premium just because there are flaws in your relationship. You’re totally in charge.
Here is how to create your own love insurance:
1. Speak your partner’s love languages.
How you choose to show love may not align with what your partner perceives as love (this is key to successful relationships!). Finding out if words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and/or physical touch are your significant other’s preferred means of expression can help build a deep connection in your marriage (learn more about these 5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman here)
2. Do something nice for your partner without expecting anything in return.
Isn’t it nice when someone does something for you just because? Surprising your wife/husband with a foamy bath, a home-massage session, a candle-lit dinner, or even a board game night, without waiting for anything in return, can provide a deep sense of satisfaction to you as well as a sense of connection with your partner. Couples today want a partner whom they know thinks about them, so they need you to be intentional.
3. Have at least one stress-free conversation per week.
It’s very common for couples to start focusing on topics of money, parenting, in-laws, work, or school as the relationship develops further. Conversations about each other’s dreams, goals, and interests become rare as you are now more occupied with your daily needs. Remember how much you felt heard when you were able to share your dreams with your romantic partner at the beginning of the relationship? How satisfying was it to be able to talk about your interests without the stress of raising a family?
Bring back stress-free conversations in your relationship! Make them a part of your weekly- if not daily- routine. They are the reminder of romance in your marriage. Keep them coming.
4. Spend quality time together by limiting your screen time.
It’s not deniable that technology has become a vital part of our life. When it comes to maintaining the happiness of a relationship, though, it may not be the bridge that really helps you stay connected with others, especially your partner. Sitting next to each other while doing something on your smart phones is not spending quality time together. Likewise, going to bed with your devices on is like sending your spouse the message that “You are not my priority.”
It’s a good practice to create a no-technology interference environment for a certain period during the day (especially your bedtime). That way, instead of focusing on your screen, you can turn towards your partner for a deeper sense of connection. At the end of the day, the most deserving person of your attention is your spouse and not a friend or acquaintance you connect through a social media platform.
5. Get professional help when needed. Don’t wait!
I cannot stress enough the importance of asking for professional help when you feel stuck in your relationship. Your mental wellness is as critical as your physical health. Take care of your relationship with diligence because if you don’t, no one else will.
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Are you interested in pursuing some real love insurance for your upcoming marriage? Reach out to one of our therapists at Millennial Life Counseling to get started with premarital counseling today. You won’t regret this step towards greater intimacy and understanding with your partner as you work on the blueprint of your relationship together.