“Being healthy doesn’t just mean not having a virus”.
As I listened to these words from Esther Perel reverberate through my ear pods a few days ago during her interview on the Tim Ferris Podcast, something shifted. An awareness that I think had been slowly but surely slipping away during this time of ambiguity and next-level anxiety.
It’s so true, right? I thought to myself.
I’ve been placing so much focus (understandably) on avoiding an illness. Not contracting the virus. Being in survival mode trying to hyper-vigilantly clean my home, take care of my (very little, very needy) babies, be on time to all the family and friend Zoom meetings, create a sense of structure for our completely unstructured days, possibly interject an adult conversation in with my hubby, find a way to schedule and manage telehealth sessions, meetings, and creative time, oh- and did I mention hyper-vigilantly clean my house?
I’m comfortable enough sharing a glimpse into my struggle with balance right now, because I know, statistically, there’s a 0% chance I’m alone in this right now. Works for me!
So, if I’ve been putting my energy into overdrive on all of the above things, how is it that my life continues to feel so off-kilter? Overwhelming? Unfulfilling? Yikes, that’s hard to swallow.
Two words: Survival mode.
We are living through a collective experience of ambiguous loss; the complete upheaval of life as we knew it from our day-to-day regularities.
Turn on the news and you’re instantly inundated with fears and facts about the pandemic. Turn it off, and you feel anxious about what you don’t know.
We are in survival mode, and when we are there, the last thing we will ever feel is balanced, healthy, and whole. It’s much more common to be feeling fearful, tired (read: exhausted), and on edge.
Bringing it back to myself, I know that I’m exerting a LOT of me right now to other people and things. I’ve been focusing so much on my children having good days, on the house being kept up, on the work stuff I need to get to (shoot, I have been in such overdrive that I even started forming completely new business ideas this past week - talk about overdoing it…).
Healthy isn’t just not having a virus.
Healthy is a LOT of other things; things that we should be nurturing and putting energy towards FIRST, before worrying about everyone and everything else. If we don’t have the oxygen mask on us first, how can we possibly be there for anyone else?
Mental health
Some of you may be feeling, or literally be, isolated. Isolation can quickly lead down the path of loneliness, depression and, worse, questioning your relevance to the world around you.
Esther shared another idea in her interview that has stayed in my heart: “You may not feel loved, you may be alone, but there is still someone who needs you”.
The world needs you. We need each other now more than ever.
The best antidote to depression and isolation is volunteering yourself for someone or something. So, who needs you right now? Are you healthy enough to offer yourself to someone who can’t get out of their house for errands or groceries? Can you volunteer your energy to checking in on 2 or 3 friends or family each week? Can you join, or create, an online support group?
Emotional Health
My emotions have been in full blown waves lately (I’m not talking Moana waves, I’m talking those crazy a$$ waves from the scene in Interstellar where they land on that planet in another dimension of time). This is a bit unusual for me, even being a postpartum mother right now (thanks, hormones).
I’m a pretty self-aware person, but what has been catching me off guard is how my emotional self is still responding to the shift to my new normal. Nothing about life right now is really normal, yet I’m forcing myself to act as though it is - because I have to. Our emotional self has a good way of trumping our logic, though. My feels get me right when I’m least expecting it!
So, what I am working on, and what I encourage you to do, is to find healthy sources and ways of holding space for your emotions. For me, it has been letting them come, riding the wave, and sharing it with my husband, whom I know I can trust more than anyone in the world to let me feel those feels exactly how I need to without judgement or trying to “do” anything about them.
Spiritual Health
Remain connected to something greater than yourself. Find a source, whether religious or spiritual, to help ground you on the daily. I absolutely love how the practice of Yoga can give simple, yet profound, body movements to help you feel more aligned in your own skin and breath. EVEN BETTER if you can do these things while connecting to others. I did a few Zoom yoga sessions with my siblings, and it was almost better than the times I went to a studio!
Prayer and focused meditation can be another wonderful way to find internal balance and guidance through each day. These are great reminders of the fact that not only are you NOT in control of what’s happening in the world…you also don’t have to try to be.
I’ve had days where I’ve certainly felt lonely in my experience, in my feelings, and in my fears, but the best thing I can say I’ve done through it all is to utilize those fears to create new avenues of growth for myself so that I don’t get lost in it.
You can do it, too. But don’t worry - it doesn’t have to be alone. We’re in it together.
Healthy isn’t just not having a virus.
So, let’s take a collective emotional, mental, and spiritual temperature check right now.
How are YOU feeling? Reach out…I’d love to know.
Liz is the founder of MLC and works with couples and individuals moving through life in the millennial generation.
We will continue to share more thoughts, geared towards couples, individuals, and millennials as we all move through this uncertain time. So, keep following for some healthy perspectives - we are here for you and walking through it all in real time.