Episode 19: How You’re Conditioned To Love
Welcome back! On today’s episode, Liz encourages us to dive deeper and think about our early years. Specifically, the love we experienced in that time. By doing so, Liz shows us how to better understand how that love shaped the way we love others, and ourselves, now. If you’re curious as to why you love the way you love, or searching for a better understanding of any of your relationships, this episode is for you!
EPISODE NOTES:
What we experienced growing up - what we saw modeled around us and how we were treated - those are the ways we learned to love.
Love is a verb - we associate “love” with emotion and feeling, but it’s also a function of close relationships.
Some people have come from dysfunctional, toxic environments. This can result in these people inherently feeling shame and, furthermore, fleeing from commitment or relationships.
It’s important that humans receive the baseline understanding that we are worthy of love and belonging SIMPLY because we are human.
If you don’t hear or feel that you are loved as you’re growing up, a part of you will not grow and develop securely in yourself.
We need our caretakers to let us know we are okay and we are loved. If not, we build walls and will find other ways for that need to be met - oftentimes not healthy ones, either.
Emotional distress can cause a person to turn their needs off.
It is our role to figure ourselves out and learn why we love the way we do and how we were conditioned to do so. The incredible thing is that, if we don’t like what we find, we can change this. We just need to be willing to learn how to do so.
RESOURCES:
Check out Esther Perel’s Goop article.
This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.
After you listen, be sure to share your thoughts with us or follow us on Instagram @millennialrelationships and @millenniallifecounseling and please support our show by sharing with a friend or writing us a review on Apple podcast! Your support is gratefully appreciated.