Ahhhh. Politics.
Growing up, you probably heard the suggestion from a few different places that “politics, religion, and sex” probably shouldn’t be brought up in the wrong situations.
Many millennials came from families that didn’t really go there. Others grew up in families who proudly and loudly ensured that you grew up carrying forward the strong beliefs and opinions that they believed in. Either way, we all have our “story”, and here you are today, a grown adult, navigating life and relationships amidst one of the most dynamic political climates we’ve experienced in quite a while; if ever.
No doubt about it, millennials are a passionate generation. We grew up being told that we should fight for what we want, and do right by our value system. So what happens when you find yourself in a relationship where things are completely off kilter, thanks to politics?
Anne has joined me today to explore some of these nuances. I hope, more than anything, that through this post you’re able to see that being in a relationship where you hold different political beliefs CAN be navigated. It can be done. But, it will take work and effort to stay attuned to each other and to be willing to listen to (not necessarily agree with) another point of view.
So we asked Anne, how can a couple navigate having different political beliefs or practices than each other, especially during such a tense time?
“I believe that couples can learn how to navigate differences in beliefs and ideologies. In fact, the practice of perspective-taking can actually make your relationship more dynamic, meaningful, and safe. The way I see it, you are going to disagree on many things over the course of your relationship, and so the cultivation of healthy discussion and active listening is an important skill to have with your partner.”
Oof. So true.
When we feel strongly about something in our life, our ears tend to close off and truly hearing another person’s perspective takes MUCH more effort than you may realize. We are quick to respond, react, and to want to come back with our “feedback”, but couples who work with us find that we slow the process down bigtime, to ensure that they stay put in their partner’s world and reflect their perspective before moving on to their point of view. Trust us when we say, this can often take practice, practice, practice.
Anne continues, “it is vitally important to look within oneself and ask ‘what am I trying to gain from this conversation?’. If your goal is to change your partners mind, attack, or control their view then the conversation will swiftly be a product of that. I suggest going into conversations such as these with a heart open to understanding your partner better; no strongly-held view point on this planet was birthed spontaneously. Each valued belief is a product of experiences, choices, and possibly emotional wounds that are strongly linked to a person’s identity. It is a “piece of Self” shared with another, and should be cared for and respected, even if opposed.”
This is a critical reframe, if you want to remain in your relationship. When walking into conversations that can be heated, are you moving forward with your armor on and guns blazing? Or, can you imagine yourself moving toward your partner and holding on to your beliefs, while having open arms to whatever they may say or feel about you? It’s the difference between being protected and connected at the same time, versus being defensive in your interactions. And trust us, there’s a real difference there.
We also talked with Anne about why politics can become such a charged topic in our relationships.
“I think the answer to this is incredibly unique and special to each living human being. The word ‘politics’ embodies so much more than just a concept of governance. Interwoven in laws and societal practices, are beliefs and values that drive human interactions and livelihood.
I think leaders and laws shape culture on a massive level, but also strike chords within all of us in deeply personal ways. I have seen how strong political opinions are viewed as conversation danger zones. But in reality, the power behind these opinions signal a staunch desire for togetherness, community, and human representation within our country.”
Wow. Mic drop, Anne!
When we look at our political beliefs as being an avenue toward more connection and passion within ourselves and our community, rather than something to disconnect over, that feels like a little more of an opportunity for our relationships.
If politics has simply become the “red hot zone” in your partnership, it may be time to seek out counseling or a third party to help you get back to a place of safety within these conversations.
One of the most amazing things about our generation is our ability to hold a strong passion on important issues and truly embodying what we feel strongly about as individuals. Perhaps this can take an extreme lean when people start to see us as “selfish, narcissistic, and blatant” in our ways of thinking and doing. But the truth is that these qualities about us, when blended with the relational practices of listening respectfully to others, allowing space for differences, and practicing empathy in the midst of our differences, can become what make us the most connected generation yet.
This is no easy task. Simply put, this relational practice is NOT simple. That’s why here at MLC, we are so passionate about what we do and truly believe that learning to become secure in your relationships and your ability to remain connected even when holding different values and beliefs, is possible if it’s something you’re willing to work towards.
So, are you ready to get relational? Reach out and let’s get started.
Liz is a licensed couples therapist who enjoys working with couples and individuals navigating challenges in life. Liz brings a focus on helping her clients cultivate a true relational practice in their life, and enjoys sharing insightful conversations through The Millennial Life Podcast. Listen in!
Anne is a licensed couples therapist here at MLC who loves working with couples looking to level up their relationship security and effective communication with each other. She also helps couples navigating parenthood, because we all know how that phase of life can impact your relationship.